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Relationship Advice: I Like Them Both, But I Don’t Know Who I Should Choose!

Woman sends a letter asking for relationship advice because she doesn’t know if she should go for lover #1 or lover #2. 

Hey LD,

I am dating two boys and they know that I am dating both of them. It’s been going on for almost a year now and I thought they were okay with it, but yesterday they asked me to choose. I don’t know who I should go for because I have feelings for both of them.

Guy #1 is hot with a bad boy kind of vibe, but he’s secretly sweet. He takes me on adventures and he makes me feel special because he ignores all the other women chasing him. Guy #2 is sweet, kind, intelligent, he makes me laugh all the time! But he’s a little nerdy. I like the two of them, I have feelings for both guys but if I choose I’m going to lose one of them. I don’t want that to happen! What should I do? I can’t choose! – Bewildered

Relationship Advice:

Hey Bewildered,

You have an interesting love life, but to be honest with you – don’t choose any of them. It’s simple, really. You can feel the same way for two people but never on the same level. There’s always one that you like more than the other. Refusing to choose for fear that you might lose one of them is selfish and unfair.

Relationship Advice: I Like Them Both, But I Don't Know Who I Should Choose!

You can feel something for two people at the same time, but never on the same level.

If it were me, I’d choose Guy #2 because he can make you laugh plus he’s sweet, smart and kind. Guy #1’s qualities are seductive, but the bad boy yet secretly sweet act can get old over time. If you really liked both of them, you shouldn’t have put them through this for almost a year. Sure, it’s good for your ego and it’s nice to feel like you are desired by many, but that feeling doesn’t even compare to having just one who would want you only for themselves. Someone who adores you and loves you unconditionally.

None of you deserve this kind of confusion and it’s probably best to let go of both than to choose one of them. The fact is, if they really meant something to you or you really felt something for at least one of them, you would’ve already made your choice all by yourself.

I hope this helps! If not, feel free to write again 🙂

What would you have done if you were in bewildered’s position?

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Love Tips – 7 Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

Have you ever been in love? The feeling is magnificent, isn’t it? Unfortunately, we all know that it’s not just about unicorns and rainbows.

In real life, relationships don’t always work the way it does in movies or fairy tales. I’d say the same thing if I ever had the chance to talk to 15 year old me. Yes, there was a time in my life where I had a set of unrealistic views about love and relationships.

Love Tips - 7 Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

Love Tips – 7 Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

I was guilty of always pressuring an old boyfriend to buy me flowers and chocolates. Why not? That’s how the guys showed their devotion for their girlfriends in the movies. I always expected him to do everything I wanted and if not, it meant that he didn’t really love me.

It sounds ridiculous, right?

Great Relationships Aren’t Copied From Movies, We Make Them.

I was a fool to believe that the ideals portrayed in movies were actually realistic. It was baffling to me why it rarely happened in real life yet I was forgetting these were written that way. Movies are scripted and staged, it’s for entertainment and not a blueprint of what we should have in reality. Men don’t need to chase or woe us all the time and we can’t expect them to make a relationship great all on their own.

Love Tips - Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

Relationships become great because of teamwork.

Relationships become great because of teamwork – the give and take, the open communication, understanding, support, respect and the list goes on. As women of the new millenium, shouldn’t we take it upon ourselves to make a relationship great on our own terms instead of waiting for the guy to make the moves? We have the power to create our own ideal relationships and here’s a fact that should motivate you:

Men are suckers for love.

I’ve crossed paths with different kinds of men in my life and most of them just want to be with a good girl who can make them feel secure and loved.

Love Tips - Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

deep down they want a good girl who can make them feel secure and loved.

Behind a man’s tough exterior is a hopeless romantic who just wants to be with a girl that he can treat like a queen. If you are already lucky to find one who treats you right, don’t miss an opportunity to show him how much you adore him.

Here are some of the best ways to keep your man happy!

Love Tip #1 : Let Him Be Himself

One of the biggest mistakes women make is to try and change their men into someone they are not. You can help him improve for the better like changing the way he dresses up, but you should never ever try to change who he is. There are some instances in my past relationship where I tried to change the guy I was with. I wanted him to be more like this actor I saw on TV, I wanted him to stop joking around when we were discussing a serious topic and etc.

In my mind, I was making him a better person, but what I really did was treat him like a project. I made him feel like he was broken or there was something wrong with him. My mistake? I only loved the idea of what he could have become, but I didn’t love who he really was.

Love Tips - Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

Men want to be loved and accepted for who they are.

If he’s playful, he likes to joke around to make you smile or he’s a kid at heart, just let him be himself. Just like us, we only want to be loved accepted for who we are and it goes the same for men.

Love Tip #2 : Allow Him To Have His Own Thing Outside The Relationship

We all have passions and interests that makes us happy whenever we do them. Having hobbies helps us keep in touch with our individuality. Wouldn’t you hate it if your lover restricted you to do any of it? There are things you can do together, but it’s also healthy if allow him to enjoy himself and his time alone. My guy is so passionate about fishing! Every time he comes home, he always has the biggest smile on his face and he showers me with love because he missed me.

Giving him some “ME” time gives him room to miss you! So on the day that you have a scheduled alone time to do your thing outside of the relationship, you can expect a ton of hugs and kisses from him when he gets home.

Love Tip #3 : Compliment Him

If you are looking for ways to make your guy melt, complimenting him is one of the most effective gestures out there. Tell him stuff like he can do anything and you believe in him. You can thank him for his efforts and tell him he’s the best. Some of the classics that still work are telling him he’s sexy, he cooks great food or he always does a good job around the house. Little ways like this can make your guy happy and it won’t cost you a thing.

Love Tip #4 : Allow Him To Express His Love For You In His Own Way

Two people can be together, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have the same love language.

There are 5 languages of love:

  • Words of affirmation – being vocal about your appreciation with your partner ex: compliments, saying i love you
  • Acts of service – show love through actions ex: cooking, cleaning the house, etc.
  • Giving and receiving gifts –  they show love by giving gifts and they feel loved when they receive gifts.
  • Quality time – spending time with you and giving you undivided attention.
  • Physical touch – they show love through hugs, holding your hand, etc.

Just because you like receiving gifts, he doesn’t do it – it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He may be showing it to you through other means like complimenting you or cooking for you. Just let him express his love the way he knows how. Don’t dictate him or pressure him because his natural ways of showing you is much more precious.

Love Tip #5 : Don’t Try To Control Him

This is another mistake women make in their relationships. We tend to control the person we love by restricting them to do things that don’t involve us. I am guilty of this! There was a time where I told an old boyfriend that he can’t hang out with his friends. I’ve controlled him too much that he no longer had an identity or a life. I expected him to exist for the sole purpose of pleasing me which was unfair and selfish. It was not long until everything went south!

Ladies, let’s refrain from controlling our men and telling them how they should show us their love, where they should go or who they should hang out with. I can’t stress enough how wrong this is and how disrespectful this is to our partners.

Love Tip # 6 : Don’t Pressure Him To Be Somebody He’s Not

This is the same as #1, let him be himself. Don’t pressure him to change into a version of himself according to your definition of great or perfect. If you don’t think he is wonderful as he is and he could be better if he assumes another personality, you’re going to make him miserable. None of us are perfect, but if you think he isn’t enough then he might be better in the hands of someone else. Don’t pressure him to change based on what is perfect for you. Accept him, his quirks, his flaws and all. You’ll make him happy and that gesture will make you happy, too.

Love Tip #7 : Support Him In His Endeavors

Whatever it is that he wants to pursue in his life, show him emotional and moral support. Tell him how much you believe in him and he can do whatever he sets his mind to. Having a supportive partner boosts your self esteem, right? Whether you are a man or a woman, you know that your support means a lot and if you show your support – you’ll help him succeed in his endeavors.

Love Tips - Best Ways To Show Your Man You Adore Him And Keep Him Happy

Tell him how much you believe in him and he can do whatever he sets his mind to.

Gisele Bündchen once said, “the quality of our life depends on the quality of relationships we have.

When you keep your man happy, you’ll be surprised of the outcome. Why? Like I always say, men are simple yet loving creatures. If you make your man feel secure, respected and loved, he’ll treat you the same way and he’ll give it back to you ten-fold.

Sharing a great relationship with the love of your life will not only improve the quality of your life, but it’ll also improve the quality of your relationship with you family, friends and yourself.
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The Science Of Healthy Relationships – How To Stop Mistaking Lust For Love

When I was a kid, I got so used to the rhythm of my teardrops hitting the ground and my heart breaking to pieces. At one point, it started sounding like a catchy melody and the lyrics told a story about REJECTION. I had a habit of mistaking lust for love and I had to pay that bill with a broken heart. I took those risks because I believed I was getting into healthy relationships, but boy I was wrong.

Healthy relationships aren’t hard to build, but it is not easy to find either. The problem isn’t about who we’re going to have it with, the question is ARE YOU READY to be in one?

How Do We Know If We’re Ready To Build Healthy Relationships?

I tried my hand at nurturing relationships with people I had strong feelings for. It seemed like it was the right thing to do to make my romantic relationships “healthy.”

Little did I know, I was fostering a one-sided and toxic relationship.

We’ve all been there, but being young and naive isn’t a valid excuse for my mistakes. The reality is, I wasn’t ready to be in one.

How do we know if we’re ready?

We’re ready when we’re able to know the difference between lust and love.

Let’s get this show on the road.

Building Healthy Relationships 101: Knowing The Difference Between Love & Lust

Love and lust are both feelings, that’s right. The difference is lust is fleeting.

Lust is just an intense feeling of attraction to someone you hardly know and it fades over time. It feels good and the excitement is high especially when you exchange flirty texts and the constant ego boost they tell you to get you into bed with them. Lust is mostly motivated by sexual desires and possibility of physical contact.

The Science Of Healthy Relationships - How To Stop Mistaking Lust For Love

Healthy relationships are products of true love not love at first sight to someone you barely know.

Relationships built on lust are less likely to turn into meaningful relationships because this isn’t the end goal. To cut the story short, the moment any of you catch feelings for each other – it’s over.

Love, on the other hand, is a deep and romantic bond shared by two people. There’s trust, there’s friendship and It makes you feel safe and secure. You don’t need to worry about your flaws because it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. Love is unconditional and you both aim to build a longterm companionship.

To sum it up….

Lust: I love you because

Love: I love you in spite of….

The Science Of Healthy Relationships - How To Stop Mistaking Lust For Love

All healthy relationships are built on love, mutual respect and friendship.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, there are other factors that you can rely on to test whether your relationship is built on love or lust. Bear with me because I’m going to list down the 3 pillars of healthy relationships.

Test Of True Love: 3 Winning Components Of Healthy Relationships [And Some Warning Signs]

Healthy Relationship Component #1: Respect

Respect is good when…..

  • You always take time and listen to understand what the other person is trying to say.
  • Both of you are aware of your imperfections and faults, but you accept each other completely.
  • You support and encourage each other’s individual passions and identities.

It’s a red flag when….

  • Your partner commits a mistake and neither of you forgives and forgets about it.
  • You feel pressured to live up to their standards.
  • They won’t let you have fun with your friends or even just give you some “ME” time.
  • You humiliate each other in front of others.

Healthy Relationship Component #2: Communication

Communication is good when…

  • You are not ashamed to tell each other about how you really feel.
  • You’re not forced to abandon your beliefs during an argument because you can’t talk to each other about anything.
  • You openly discuss your future, your fears, your finances and other life issues you can’t just tell anybody.

It’s a red flag when….

  • They’re not interested in getting to know you on a deeper level.
  • Resentment builds up because you don’t talk about your feelings.
  • There’s a lack of willingness to forgive each other

Healthy Relationship Component #3: Love

Love is real when…

  • You stand by one another in times of crisis and you won’t leave each other’s side no matter what.
  • There aren’t any secrets between you two.
  • You are not just lovers, you are best friends as well.
  • Both of you are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually compatible.

It’s a red flag when….

  • They make you feel alone especially when you need them the most.
  • He/she only tells you the truth because you caught him/her in a lie.
  • Your lover has been unfaithful countless times.
  • affection and communication does not exist between the two of you.

There you have it, the winning components of healthy relationships and some warning signs. This should help you avoid mistaking lust for love so you can start building healthy relationships today.