When I was a kid, I got so used to the rhythm of my teardrops hitting the ground and my heart breaking to pieces. At one point, it started sounding like a catchy melody and the lyrics told a story about REJECTION. I had a habit of mistaking lust for love and I had to pay that bill with a broken heart. I took those risks because I believed I was getting into healthy relationships, but boy I was wrong.
Healthy relationships aren’t hard to build, but it is not easy to find either. The problem isn’t about who we’re going to have it with, the question is ARE YOU READY to be in one?
How Do We Know If We’re Ready To Build Healthy Relationships?
I tried my hand at nurturing relationships with people I had strong feelings for. It seemed like it was the right thing to do to make my romantic relationships “healthy.”
Little did I know, I was fostering a one-sided and toxic relationship.
We’ve all been there, but being young and naive isn’t a valid excuse for my mistakes. The reality is, I wasn’t ready to be in one.
How do we know if we’re ready?
We’re ready when we’re able to know the difference between lust and love.
Let’s get this show on the road.
Building Healthy Relationships 101: Knowing The Difference Between Love & Lust
Love and lust are both feelings, that’s right. The difference is lust is fleeting.
Lust is just an intense feeling of attraction to someone you hardly know and it fades over time. It feels good and the excitement is high especially when you exchange flirty texts and the constant ego boost they tell you to get you into bed with them. Lust is mostly motivated by sexual desires and possibility of physical contact.
Relationships built on lust are less likely to turn into meaningful relationships because this isn’t the end goal. To cut the story short, the moment any of you catch feelings for each other – it’s over.
Love, on the other hand, is a deep and romantic bond shared by two people. There’s trust, there’s friendship and It makes you feel safe and secure. You don’t need to worry about your flaws because it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. Love is unconditional and you both aim to build a longterm companionship.
To sum it up….
Lust: I love you because…
Love: I love you in spite of….
Perhaps unsurprisingly, there are other factors that you can rely on to test whether your relationship is built on love or lust. Bear with me because I’m going to list down the 3 pillars of healthy relationships.
Test Of True Love: 3 Winning Components Of Healthy Relationships [And Some Warning Signs]
Healthy Relationship Component #1: Respect
Respect is good when…..
- You always take time and listen to understand what the other person is trying to say.
- Both of you are aware of your imperfections and faults, but you accept each other completely.
- You support and encourage each other’s individual passions and identities.
It’s a red flag when….
- Your partner commits a mistake and neither of you forgives and forgets about it.
- You feel pressured to live up to their standards.
- They won’t let you have fun with your friends or even just give you some “ME” time.
- You humiliate each other in front of others.
Healthy Relationship Component #2: Communication
Communication is good when…
- You are not ashamed to tell each other about how you really feel.
- You’re not forced to abandon your beliefs during an argument because you can’t talk to each other about anything.
- You openly discuss your future, your fears, your finances and other life issues you can’t just tell anybody.
It’s a red flag when….
- They’re not interested in getting to know you on a deeper level.
- Resentment builds up because you don’t talk about your feelings.
- There’s a lack of willingness to forgive each other
Healthy Relationship Component #3: Love
Love is real when…
- You stand by one another in times of crisis and you won’t leave each other’s side no matter what.
- There aren’t any secrets between you two.
- You are not just lovers, you are best friends as well.
- Both of you are physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually compatible.
It’s a red flag when….
- They make you feel alone especially when you need them the most.
- He/she only tells you the truth because you caught him/her in a lie.
- Your lover has been unfaithful countless times.
- affection and communication does not exist between the two of you.
There you have it, the winning components of healthy relationships and some warning signs. This should help you avoid mistaking lust for love so you can start building healthy relationships today.